You are invited to join the alumni board at your alma mater. Now imagine walking into a board room where you instantly think, “I don’t know if this is going to be the space for me.” You recognize that although you are dressed in business casual, like the email said, you “missed the memo” to wear the school colors. The board chair calls the meeting to order and says, “Okay, now remember the person who is not wearing the school colors will have to sing the alma mater.” You begin to sweat because you may have sung the song once at graduation. The group laughs and the person next to you says, “they’re just kidding,” and you offer a fake laugh.
The meeting proceeds and all new board members are asked to state their name, the years they were on campus, and why you joined the board. The first couple of new board members share that they love their alma mater, that all their family members went to the school, and how they are honored to serve. You experience another panic moment. The reason you said “yes” to serving was a classmate asked you to join, and because you come from a generation that emphasized having a seat at the table, you agreed even though your time at the school was not great, and your children experienced some of the same challenges years later.
It’s your turn to introduce yourself to the group and you say, “my classmate asked me to serve, and anyone who knows them, knows they don’t take no for an answer.” Everyone laughs in agreement. Phew, your turn is over!
A Basic, Yet Complicated Desire
Can you think of a time in which you weren’t sure if you belonged? Most of us can. I was in that room in the scenario above. As a staff member, I was there to support our volunteers. It was my ability to draw on my own belonging experiences that allowed me to be present when that new board member came to me and said, “What did I get myself into?” I empathized and asked questions that helped me understand that the challenge the board member was having was all about belonging.
During this board member’s years of service, we engaged in conversations that contributed to their self-efficacy within the space that resulted in them contributing more to conversations rather than sitting quietly in the meetings. By the end of the board member’s term, they had acquired a new wardrobe full of the school colors, right down to the socks, and left with a sense of pride in their alma mater to become a wonderful advocate for others to serve.
Belonging is a basic human desire, which has helped us survive as a species. So why is fostering belonging within our professional lives so difficult? Perhaps because it requires our emotions, and we are conditioned to think we should leave our feelings at home.
